The Suicide Room

Thoughts while watching this movie:

‘Wow this is self indulgent!’ ‘This is going to suck’ ‘He is gorgeous’ ‘This movie is perfect!’

This is a Polish movie about an online game/chat site/place for the generally messed up.  Young, rich Dominik runs into some trouble after drunkenly kissing a guy at a party.  Being a rich teenager, this ended up on video and all over the internet.  Then the movie kind of spirals into an art film…

So our lead, Dominik (Jakub Gierszal), is severely attractive, which is very convenient since we spend at least half the movie focussed on his face, or his body flailing body.  The whole movie is a tad ridiculous, simply because humans just are not like this… Honestly everyone is this movie is bordering on killing themselves or screaming 24/7.  There is a lot of full-blooded screaming.  A lot.  Not to mention our heroine (Roma Gasiorowska), the ‘queen’ of the suicide room who only dreams of killing herself.  She’s very neurotic, not leaving her room for 3 years and who continues to make a crazy choice after crazy choice.  The entire movie is melodramatic, but throughout it begins to have this naive charm that really does pull you in.  Honestly, you love Dominik by the end of the movie, no matter how needy and immature he is.  He does and says everything you have ever wanted.  And admittedly, everyone in his world is truly horrible, so his angst is almost sort of justified.  The tragic ending of this movie really is made for teenagers and is probably the most believable part of this whole film.

Overall: just see this movie.  I cannot stop geeking out about it.  It is charming where it is ridiculous.  It is beautifully sad and touching. 4/5 Stars

p.s. everyone on tumblr  is obsessed with it, so it is not just one teenager, but all.

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The Perfect Host

The story is basically considered ‘The Human Centipede’ without the human centipede.  John, a man wanted for armed robbery is on the run.  To complicate things further he has no wallet, no phone, and  he limps.  So without much of a plan, he drives around from house to house trying to get some one to let him in.  Finally, he is let into to the house of Warwick, claiming to know Julia, his love interest who’s in Australia.  John soon finds out that he picked the wrong house…

So how was it? Acting is all great, David Pierce is chilling as Warwick.  Crawford is actually believable in a pretty convoluted role.  Seriously convoluted. Most of the cast would be considered extras, but notables include Annie Campbell and Tyrees Allen.  The plot is fascinating, the turns are crazy.  Seriously you just don’t see them coming.  The movie doesn’t really have special effects, but if the make-up is cheap is it believable.  Good music throughout most noticeably by The Eagles of Death Metal.

Overall: 9.2 or B+

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The Debt

The newest Natzi-revenge movie staring: Helen Mirren, Sam Worthington, Jessica Chastain, by John Madden.  Basic plot: three young Israeli agents are sent to kill a sadistic Natzi doctor.  The plot skips through time to show them in the present day and when on the mission.

So… as much as this movie looked AWESOME, it sucked.  The script was cliche and the characters were poorly-structured.  David (Worthington’s) martyrdom is annoying; Rachel is just a total waste; and Stephan doesn’t exactly make you feel bad for their failure (*spoiler alert* they don’t even kill the natzi on the mission).  It is well-acted, Helen Mirren is in it after all.  The European/ American/ Australian accents of the ISRAELI spies is laughable most of the time.  It is pretty well directed, except for the occaisonal car, or tank, ruining the time period.  And amazingly the time periods aren’t confusing.  So overall, it’s good although the story is pretty bad.  I mean the Natzi is really the best character.

Bonus points: Helen Mirren, SAM WORTHINGTON (yes, he looks very very good), geiser fighting seen

Overall D- or 3.6

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Kung Fu Panda 2

The semi-awaited sequel to Kung Fu Panda ( in case you could not tell).  In the story, *spoiler alert* Po ( Jack Black) finds out he is adopted.  Yes, sadly the goose is not his real father.  Meanwhile, a really really angry Peacock is attempting to take over all of Japan.  He killed all the Panda’s (including Po’s parents) and destroyed their town.  So, Po, being The Dragon Warrior and all goes on a journey of self discovery and kick-assery.  Okay so how good is this movie for some one able to count past ten?  Not horrible.  It really is not nearly as funny as the original.  It is not a horrible movie.  The animation action is pretty cool.  It will not completely pain you.  But there really is not enough wit for it to stay entertaining.  Proof of which being that my brother fell asleep half-way through.  This should definitely be a rental unless your tot cannot wait.

Overall: C or 6.7

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Super 8… J.J. Abrams, Steven Spielberg, Elle Fanning

After viewing a gigantic train/ car crash while filming their movie, a tight-knit group of friends and their love interest try to discover what the cuss is going on in their small town.  To tell anymore would give away the storyline and delete the purpose of seeing the movie.   In reality, if I tell you the plotline there is probably no way your going to pay to see the movie.  Overall, the movie really is not that bad, just a little  Spielberg-esque.  The effects, and I mean all the effects are amazing.  The train-crashing scene lasts about ten minutes and honestly, they could be some of the coolest ten minutes in cinema history.  The ‘monster’ is not that amazing.  Honestly, by the end of the movie you basically see every inch of the creature, which just ruins the effect.  It goes from looking like a spider, to a bionicle, to a very sickly gray-red-yellow thing.  Also, it understands English which is just weird.  The script although cheesy at times, (most of the time), it is sweet.  Seemingly aimed at kids, or teenagers with low attention spans, it is childish.  But in a cute-not completely annoying way.  The acting is all pretty good, not amazing, but definitely not bad.  Painfully, Elle Fanning (the younger sister of Dakota Fanning), is really pretty good.  Overall, the movie is not bad.  It is not for the movie snob, but is a lot of fun.  A low matinée or rental maybe, but the effects should be seen in a theater.

Rated: PG-13                                                                                                       Run Time: 112 min.                                                                                           Rating: B or 8.9                                                                                                 Bonus points: Zachary Mills ( Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium)       Sources:

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The Romantics- Katie Holmes, Anna Paquin, Josh Duhamel, Elijah Wood

Seven collage friends reunite at the wedding of two of their own.  Lila (Paquin) and Tom
(Duhamel)  have a rocky relationship.    Lila and her best friend,  Laura (Holmes) have an even rockier relationship.  Tom and Laura’s relationship is down-right scandalous.  On the night before the wedding, antics are just bound to happen. 

First off, this is a great cast.  There is not a bad preformance in the movie.  Katie Holmes is great as a lonely hopeful.  Josh Duhamel makes what could have been a very tough role absolutely believable.  And Anna Paquin (who I honestly can’t stand) was painful.  There was literally a time where her very eyes just seemed so hopeful, heartbroken and lonely that it hurt to watch.  The screen play is also extremely well, taking what should have been a predictable rom-com into a perfectly paced arty film.  It’s not too original and there aren’t many unexpected twists, but you will be surprised once or twice.  The actual location was amazing and if I got married, ti would deffinately be a choice.  And not like it matters, but the music in this movie is epic!  Every single song is really good, even if they sometimes do not make sense.  The camera work is all really well done, too.  Overall a very good movie.  I can deffinately recommend it to any one.  Not too uplifting, but it is not exactly depressing either.

A- or 9.1

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Sucker Punch (Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish)

Sucker Punch… is interesting.  It is a movie a group of girls who must decide to escape their unbearable reality by finding five items in Emily Browning (Baby Doll)’s dream world.  Their unbearable reality is basically a whore house run by a cruel doctor and dance teacher.

*spoiler alert*- Sweet Pea is crazy and the whore house and dream world are both made up so she can escape her own unbearable reality.  She lives in a mental hospital and is about to have a lobotomy.  (She is completely psycho.)

So as a boy, there is no reason not to see this movie.  Hot girls, in minny skirts, blowing the entire world up.  Plotline is not great.  I mean pacing is done well and the script is never predictable, but it is not anything original either.  Seriously, the whole trapped and then secretly crazy thing is getting very, very old.  Also, random blips of the dialogue are indeciphrable, which for a movie sold solely on effects is strange.  The effects, the effects were amazing.  Seriously, if you have an open mind and want to have fun, you should see this based on the effects.  But do not expect a true work of genius.  Acting is all good and everything makes sense.  The movie is fun.  It is not good.  End of discussion.

C or 4.9

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